On Nov. 22, 2015, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert plagiarized a space egg sketch that I did 20 years earlier on community cable. See the comparison for yourself at my blog post here.
And almost exactly a year later on Nov. 9, 2016, he’s done it again. This time, he plagiarized my Instagram and Facebook photo of me stress eating in a pub while watching the Nov. 8 American election. #election2016
Here’s the photo I posted:
Now check out Stephen Colbert’s sketch from Nov. 9. The relevant part starts at 9:37:
Yes, at 10:10, you saw this:
A bald guy stress eating while watching the election. He’s got his food dangling outside his open mouth, just like I did. Heck, now that I’m looking at it again, he even looks like exactly like me. Holy crap. IS that me?!
Oh, but how do I know he’s bald, you ask? Because first of all, you can see his sides are shaved close. Nobody does that unless they’re going bald. Also, nobody wears those Oliver Twist newspaper boy hats, especially indoors, unless they’re bald. Trust me. I bought one of those hats, at Le Chateau. But it was too small for my head, so I gave it to my sister. Also, I was actually wearing a hat (specifically, a toque) on my head for earlier photos in the pub:
But I took off my toque…
…because I didn’t want it to look like I was hiding the fact that I’m bald. Like this guy clearly is.
So! If Colbert can make fun of Melania Trump for plagiarizing Michelle Obama’s speech, surely it’s time for him to fess up to plagiarizing my jokes? Or, at least, hire me as a writer on the show? That’s right, I’m open to bribery. Because not only do I have no hair, I have no shame. And no job.
Ok, fine. I have shame. And I could get a job. But still, if I’m already writing Colbert’s jokes, I might as well get paid for it. I need to pay for all this food I’m stress eating.